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How To Have Difficult Conversations With Him

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MessagePosté le: Mar 21 Nov - 13:33 (2017)    Sujet du message: How To Have Difficult Conversations With Him Répondre en citant

# 1. Be willing to speak your truth without fear, without lack and without the need for approval

It starts from “hello”. When we are willing to show up authentically from the beginning, we are not leaving our potential partners guessing our wants and needs and it will dramatically decrease confusion that would inevitably come down the road. Our goal is to attract someone who jives with our essence, not something we have “sold” them in order to gain the relationship.

Good communication does not have a starting and stopping point. It is something we must practice congruently throughout the entire existence of our relationship. In my estimation, good communication is the foundation of a solid, lasting relationship.

Any conversation that is not forced and organically arises, is okay! No topic should be taboo. The key is allowing for this and checking in with where you are resonating from at the moment. Are you pushing a topic because you are afraid? Or are you simply looking for more information to see if your potential partner and your goals and desires match? The energetic difference between the two will matter when bringing pertinent questions to the table.

I have found the people who feel lost in their dating relationships most likely have not been open/honest with themselves about what they desire in a partner. Oftentimes, we tend to “hold back” in fear that we might push someone away. Subconsciously we may not feel truly worthy of the relationship we desire, or that to speak our desires is silly or ridiculous. A new perspective to consider is this:

We cannot receive what we are not willing to put out there. Period.

In actuality, we are selling a “false self” and we will attract people to us who are looking for the person we are portraying, not the true essence of who we are. People respond to who we are portraying to the world. Relationships built on a false foundation most likely don’t stand a chance of survival. At some point, one side will realize the lack of cohesiveness and hit the road.

In other words, when we communication openly and authentically, we will attract to us those who are looking for precisely what we are displaying.

If someone departs our company because we said we are looking for long-term, marriage, children or any other desire, then that person is simply not for us. We have just uncovered vital information that tells us all we need to know. It’s not time to try to change him/her; it’s your cue to move on. Next!

Be willing to speak your truth without fear, without lack and without the need for approval. Have the courage to ask questions and to answer questions genuinely. Your desires are important! You are important! Not only will the truth open divine pathways of connection, truth breeds trust. When people see that our words and behavior match, they experience the trust they so deeply desire as well. Open, authentic communication is key.

# 2. Follow the 4 tips below

In a significant relationship you want to feel comfortable sharing concerns. This ability to share serves to strengthen and deepen the emotional connection and is the key to a healthy relationship. What you don’t want to do is avoid areas that are important to you and that need to be discussed. Leaving things to assumptions will only lead to miscommunication and greater problems down the road.

So how do you have those important, yet difficult conversations?

1. Pick a time and place where you can discuss things without distraction. A restaurant, or while he’s watching the game and both not good venues. Find a quiet place where you can focus on the issue at hand.

2. Be sure your nonverbal cues are not sending a message that is confusing to your partner. Your nonverbal language continuously sends conscious as well as unconscious signals and if you want to have a “heart-to-heart” discussion, be aware of how your body feels and looks to the other person. In other words, does your facial expression, tone of voice, posture and touch all convey the message you want to convey? You may not always know his triggers, so be aware of how your actions and body language might look from his perspective.

3. Keep the conversation on topic. Don’t bring up past issues, concerns or examples that would cause a debate or controversy and ruin your opportunity to get what you want settled at this time.

4. Speak from an “I” position. In other words, start the conversation by stating, “I feel concerned (frustrated, upset, happy…)” and speak from your heart. So, if you want to discuss exclusivity, you might say, “I feel really comfortable and content with the way the relationship is going and I am happy to be seeing only you. Let’s talk about this.”

Good communication is essential for a healthy relationship. Don’t be afraid to say what you feel, but be sure that the time and place is right. A relationship that lets things brew until it “blows” is not only heading for disaster, but is causing you undo stress. Everything that gets discussed will not always please you, but when things get out in the open, it usually leads to a compromise or a positive understanding.

# 3. Follow the advice below

There is no trick to having discussions difficult or otherwise. Relationships at all stages require communication. Of course, the stage of the relationship will affect some of the content of your discussions, but a person that you can’t level with is always going to be problematic.

Defining yourself means being clear about what you think, feel and want regardless of push back you may encounter from another person. Early in relationships it’s important to know if you and your new partner are on the same relationship trajectory. If you are looking for commitment, and your partner just wants to have a good time you are not going to be compatible. Pretending that you want what he wants just gets you more emotionally involved in a relationship that won’t meet your ultimate needs. Talking about what you each are looking for is always a good idea. If you don’t know what’s going on you can’t make decisions for yourself. The same is true for him.

Mature people aren’t scared to hear from their partners. They want to know what their partner is thinking or feeling. That is how they take the temperature of the relationship. Is your partner satisfied with the way things are going? Are you? Would either if you like to make some changes? How can a relationship grow if either of you is too afraid to speak up?

Being angry or hurt about something doesn’t necessarily mean that your partner did something wrong. It means that what he did didn’t work for you. If you can talk about your feelings from an “I” position and not get accusatory, a good discussion might ensue. At the very least you will each learn more about each other. “I was hurt that you didn’t call me on my birthday,” is good information for him to have. He may reply that he doesn’t do birthdays. If that’s a deal breaker for you, it’s good to know now, before too many disappointing birthdays go by. He may apologize. You can decide if that’s enough for you, and he will know going forward that birthdays are important to you. This may not be the biggest issue in the world, but the entitlement to speak up and be heard is an extremely important relationship dynamic. You both need to feel heard.

Some people think that if they don’t bring it up it will somehow go away. Or they’re afraid that if they do speak up, he will go away. The former is never true, and the latter is always a possibility, but it’s always better to know if you are with somebody who is mature enough to engage. Being afraid to speak up is a difficult way to live. You end up avoiding conflict at the cost of connection and growth.


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